When you feel appreciated you feel good. When you do something, whether it’s completing a piece of work or helping out a friend and you receive no feedback or thanks for it, you may question whether what you did was good enough. The resulting feeling of uncertainty can leave you doubting your ability to do things, it can demotivate you, lower your self-esteem and cause stress, anxiety and depression. This can have a knock-on effect on your performance, your well-being and your relationships.
The power of appreciation is hugely underestimated. Receiving validation and recognition for your work or other efforts boosts your self-esteem, motivates you to do more, makes you feel valued and strengthens your self-worth. Think of it like the game of Jenga; the structure of the towers weakens as pieces are removed when you feel unappreciated, but replacing the removed pieces as you receive appreciation reinforces the tower or your well-being. A strong foundation of appreciation stops you from becoming unstable. It gives you stronger self-belief and self-worth.
So, how can you communicate feeling under appreciated constructively?
1. Arrange a meeting with your colleague or boss or a catch-up with your friend to explain how you are feeling.
2. Find a quiet, private location where you won’t get interrupted.
3. Be specific about your concerns, rather than making general statements. Give examples of when you felt unappreciated and how it made you feel. Or, if a friend is taking you for granted, let them know with examples of when and how it made you feel.
4. Own what you say, rather than accuse your friend or work colleague. Use ‘I’ statements like ‘I feel undervalued when....'.
5. Understand your needs-ask yourself what appreciation you are looking for and when you felt it was missing.
6. Be empathetic and patient with your friend or colleague and let them respond, even if you do not agree with them.
If you have been feeling undervalued for a while at work and it's affecting your well-being, causing you to feel stressed, depressed and impacting your self-esteem, perhaps it is time to consider looking for a new job? We can not control the actions of others but we can control our own path. Focus on what you can influence and look for new oppportunities that will give you the recognition you deserve.
Be kind to yourself and recognise the signs of feeling under appreciated and address any issues before they escalate.
What strategies can you use to rebuild appreciation in workplaces and relationships?
Workplaces
Compliment your colleagues when they do well, a simple gift like buying a coffee for a colleague can have a big impact and just being present and listening shows appreciation
If you are a manager, implement a regular employee reward system, acknowledge achievements at team meetings and celebrate and praise big or small work successes and milestones.
Appreciation can be made publicly or privately; some prefer a public shout-out, some may prefer a small written note and some may prefer a LinkedIn comment. No matter what the appreciation is, it will have a positive effect.
Relationships
Appreciation can be non verbal-holding hands or giving a hug can be just as powerful.
Show appreciation through actions-help with errands or chores or suprise with small gifts.
Compliment, encourage and express how much you value them.
Actively listen, be present and being engaged with them shows appreciation.
Encouraging appreciation in our relationships and workplaces creates a more positive and productive environment for everyone. Remind yourself of the Jenga tower and the pieces of appreciation; build and reinforce a strong and secure tower of well-being.
For further help and coping strategies, please click here to arrange an initial FREE 15-minute telephone call with me or e-mail directly alison@therapyhere.co.uk.
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