How to build Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover from adversity with flexibility and strength whilst maintaining your emotional wellbeing. It doesn’t mean avoiding stress or obstacles but rather learning to navigate them, adapt to change and come out the other side with a clearer perspective. Having a strong sense of resilience helps you face situations with confidence and optimism, solve problems more effectively, build healthy relationships and set realistic goals for yourself. Without resilience, life’s inevitable challenges and transitions can feel overwhelming and can result in feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem.  

In my work as a psychotherapist, I often support clients in strengthening their resilience as they are exhausted by life's pressures and unsure how to cope. This has led me to reflect on how our modern life shapes our ability to manage hardship. Are we becoming less able to tolerate discomfort because we live in a culture that prioritises immediacy and convenience? Has something changed in how we develop resilience, both individually and socially?

There are likely to be several factors. We live in a world of endless choice; as much as choice can be empowering, it can also reduce our tolerance for discomfort. When something becomes difficult, it’s often easier to change direction than to persevere and work through the challenge. Well-meaning parents can play a part too. Many parents perhaps step in too quickly to protect their children from distress which unintentionally prevents children from learning how to cope with their uncomfortable emotions and to problem-solve.

Education also raises questions. How much do schools truly teach emotional coping strategies? The REACH study, a large UK project involving more than 4,000 young people found that by ages 11–14, around 19% already meet the criteria for a diagnosable mental health problem. This highlights the need for better coping strategies early in life.

Technology plays its part too. With smartphones and AI providing instant answers and endless distractions, we rarely have to sit with frustration, uncertainty or boredom. Such experiences once helped us develop patience and emotional strength. Research also shows that resilience acts as a buffer against problematic smartphone use; the less resilient a young person is, the more vulnerable they are to digital overuse or emotional distress.

Whatever the reasons, one thing remains clear; resilience is essential for emotional wellbeing and it can be learned, practised and strengthened at any age.

So here are my top 10 tips to help you strengthen your resilience:

1. Normalise the challenge. Difficulties are a normal part of life, not a personal failure. Accepting that obstacles and challenges are inevitable helps reduce feelings of shame and fear when they arise.

2. Practise emotional regulation. Techniques such as mindfulness, relaxation, breathing exercises or journalling can help calm the body’s stress response and make it easier to think clearly when life becomes difficult. Finding a technique that works for you and practising it regularly can build resilience when those moments arise.

3. Reframe setbacks. Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, view them as opportunities for learning. A 'growth mindset' builds perseverance and optimism. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive alternatives that can help you grow and maintain perspective. For example replace ‘I failed’ with 'I learned something useful’.

4. Exercise regularly. Exercise is one of the most effective ways to build resilience. A research study from Cardiff Met University (2021) found that physical activity explains around 9% of the variation in resilience levels. Movement strengthens both body and mind. Even just a few minutes of regular exercise will have a positive effect on your well-being.

5. Build supportive connections. Healthy relationships are among the strongest buffers against stress. Spend time with people who make you feel good and support you. Sharing your thoughts and feelings out loud can often make challenges feel more manageable and strengthen your sense of perspective.

6. Encourage independence. Allow yourself (and your children, if relevant) to face manageable challenges and find your own solutions. Confidence grows each time you cope successfully, reinforcing a sense of competence.  Over time, these small moments of achievement accumulate, building long-term resilience and trust in your ability to handle future difficulties.

7. Keep a routine. Consistent daily habits creates structure and stability which can help reduce anxiety and increase feelings of control. Try to keep regular patterns around sleep, meals, exercise and relaxation; these simple habits create a foundation of predictability that supports both emotional and physical well-being and therefore resilience.

8. Self-awareness. Understanding your emotions and recognising your triggers helps you pause and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. This awareness builds emotional balance and strengthens your resilience to manage challenges with greater clarity.

9. Make time for creativity and play. Creative activities such as art, music, writing or play offer a healthy outlet for emotions. Creativity encourages flexibility in thinking which is an essential part of building resilience. Play and self-expression can also reduce stress and provide a sense of calm and renewal.

10. Get professional support. Resilience doesn’t mean tackling everything on your own; it also involves recognising when to reach out for help.  Seeking support is a sign of strength and courage and working with a psychotherapist can help you rebuild confidence, explore new coping strategies and regain perspective.

Resilience grows through small, repeated experiences of challenge and recovery. Each time you face something difficult and get through it, you strengthen your resilience. With the right support and strategies, you can develop the confidence and flexibility to manage whatever life brings.  

For further help with strengthening your resilience, please click here to arrange an initial FREE 15-minute telephone call with me or e-mail directly alison@therapyhere.co.uk.